Illusions
by Risika Aki
Summary: Its a compilation of short stories...and as you read, you'll understand why its called illusions...I may have made a few mistakes when I wrote...but Please R&R...
1. Default Chapter

**Illusions**

_Author's note: I don't know if anyone would like my stories…but anyway, I decided to try and put them on display for everyone to read…they're all born from imagination, if anyone has stories similar to mine…I assure you I didn't copy, and I would never know about that…I do not copy… anyway, please R&R…_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Ragnarok Online,_

**A Dream**

Put simply, she lived in illusion. Everything for her was unreal and she lived in her dream world…far from everyone else, isolated, blank, aloof…she saw everything as an observer, behind glass doors, never really part of whatever was going on, and somehow she lived it that way…that life away from the real world, in her own world…

At times, in her dreams, she was an empress, at times, she was great warrior, but it had only been recently, she envisioned herself as an assassin…feeling a kinship to their kind, knowing that like herself, assassins were usually misunderstood, oftentimes cold and aloof, and so…that was what she was…an assassin, at least in Rune Midgard when she logged online and played the game…

But at that moment, as she walked through the city, she was but an ordinary citizen covering her nose with the hanky to keep out the smog from smothering her, and avoiding the honking cars stuck together in traffic. But as always, she was again living in a daydream, seeing herself walking in Rune Midgard, in the streets of Prontera surrounded not by the grouchy and harried pedestrians, but archers, mages, swordsmen, thieves, merchants and more.

In real life, walking amongst the streets, she felt ordinary…but in her dreams, she wasn't…she wasn't wearing her dreary faded jeans and ugly t-shirt, she wasn't just another pretty face who happened to be unusually weird—she was an emerald-haired assassin, with a katar in hand, a gangster mask, and ragamuffin manteau. In her thoughts, she was no ordinary citizen of the traffic infested and smog-filled city she now trekked through…she was in Rune Midgard, and she was an assassin, uncaring and unaware of the world around her.

A bell rang as she opened the door to the internet café and waited for the attendant to assign her a computer. She dug into her pockets and retrieved a few wads of cash for a few hours of the game she grew to love—Ragnarok online. Thus she sat down, and began.

"Log in…"

"Password"

"Choose Server"

"Choose Character"

"I'm in…"

She smiled to herself, seeing the reflection of her face on the monitor, "It seems I'm almost a part of it…" she remarked quietly to herself, her eyes glazed and far away…once again in her dream world.

Minutes later, she found herself in the dungeons of Glast Heim, attacking monsters in attempts to level up her skills and stats. Later on, a dark haired Priest joined her and aligned a blessing, trying to help her out…

"Hmm?" she thought, but otherwise she didn't go against his interference as she would have usually done…

The priest online had already become a constant companion on her trips through Rune-Midgard and an almost welcome person to chat with while online…

_From SilverGreiz198: Nice of you to come…didn't think you'd be here…_

_To SilverGreiz198: I was busy…_

_From SilverGreiz198: Like that happens…_

She hastily tried to type her replies while concentrating on killing off the zombies as they swamped over her…

_From SilverGreiz198: Let's go for a treat after here, okay?_

She ignored the last typed phrase, and continued with her assassin, wondering how in the world would someone real…human, exist in a world that was her own, but she comforted herself with the idea that either way, he would be like the others…find her weird for having such eccentric thoughts, for living in a dream world, for not being…normal, she was too different---that was reality, something even her imagination could not keep away.

A few hours later, she got out of the café, and met Rafael—a schoolmate, a stranger, someone she shouldn't even be talking to…shouldn't even be seen with…he was one of the good-looking guys who were popular not because they were handsome, but because they were actually nice and down to earth.

"A dream…" she decided, immediately putting him in the category, for in truth, how would someone like him take notice of someone so weird and different as herself? Most people avoided her like the plague…something that made her secretly unnerved.

Rafael was someone she dreamt about, but someone most unlikely to suit her in the real world…"Prince Charming never marries the witch…" she thought to herself, "Princes go for Princesses, something I'm obviously not…"

"Hi," He said, greeting her, eyes bright and smile beaming.

She ignored him, and walked away…she may know him as SilverGreiz198, but this was real life... she didn't know a Rafael, she only knew him as the priest she played with in the game. Rafael was a dream…not someone real,

Hastily he grabbed her hand, "Anna, what's with you…why won't you go out with me?"

She felt almost electrified by the human contact. How many people ever touched her? Aside from her family and friends…with the latter being almost non-existent.

Rafael was greeted with a blank expression, he immediately understood just why people had told him to avoid her…she was too…different…seemingly so far away in her own world to even realize that he held her hand. Though discouraged, he persisted, but she slowly slipped her hand out of his grasp, and continued walking. "We play together don't we? We know each other well when we're in the game…you actually talk to me! If typing would count as a conversation…"

He followed her from behind, wondering what could make the girl so cold to him. He didn't care whether she lived in another world, he would make her snap out of the dream and live in the real world…see him as real, and enjoy being with him…to know that everything perfect didn't have to be another dream.

"Anna, why cant you just talk to me person to person…the same way we converse when we play in that Game you love so much…at least there…in the game…you like me don't you? Even slightly?"

"It wasn't real…" Anna answered him coldly, blank eyes staring back at him, "I like you in the game, but in real life…what are you to me?"

A wince of pain was evident on the boy's face, Anna's face didn't change, it was expressionless, but he saw something flicker, an unguarded emotion that manifested itself in her eyes…only for a moment, and soon it was gone, leaving him wondering if he had just imagined it.

"What am I to you then?" he asked,

She remained silent for a moment, and answered, "You're a dream…something that doesn't really exist"

"Anna, I like you a lot…" he began, keeping his voice steady as he looked at her squarely, "that at least, was something real…"

Slowly, he walked away…shoulders drooped, and face turned away in attempt to keep the hurt from showing.

Anna watched him leave, and the veil of illusion lifted, replaced by a sudden strike of reality, and with it, painful remorse. Tears came aflood; she knew she'd made a mistake…but how?

…but as always, she lived in illusion, and in a matter of moments, she was back in it…forgetting Rafael, forgetting her loss, but when she slept, the dreams that haunted her at night, all told her that the pain she felt in her heart was true…and no amount of dreaming could keep the pain of heartbreak and remorse from making her feel it…

. End note: You may notice most of my stories aren't all that happy...sorry…but that's how I am…


	2. Clashing Colors

Author's note: Please give a review after reading this, it would be very much appreciated…

Disclaimer: I do not own Ragnarok Online,

**Clashing Colors**

The colors of war clashed horribly against each other…

RED…Blood….blood everywhere, not a patch of earth was left unstained by crimson and here I am, in the midst of it all,

Staring…

Unthinking…

Too numb to even mourn or grieve the departed lives of my comrades…

BLUE…the sky looking cold and uncaring as I lay beneath it, and its mocking darkness made me believe that the sky itself was death…waiting to drag me into its abyss.

WHITE…The moon rising round and full against the dark blue sky, its light illuminating the bodies…all dead…their blank eyes stained red with blood…staring accusingly at me as if resenting the fact that I'm alive while they lay lifeless.

GREY…the growing mist of dusk seemed dirty…disgustingly gross to me…seeming like blankets covering the dead…

Lifting myself, I kneeled on the crimson soil, seeing the swords, spears, and arrows pierced against the ground. It almost seemed as if the earth was bleeding. The tattered banner of our guild fluttered weakly against the wind, its colors now seemed as faded as our cause, in the distance their was a clash of metal swords, and slowly, it became silent, the fighters most likely have met each others blades and died.

A silvery glitter caught my eye, and I dragged myself weakly to it, drawn mysteriously to its light, ignorant of reason. "_a mirror?" _I thought, touching it lightly with my finger, but I felt it wetness, a cold liquid…it was water. I glanced into it, and saw myself…far from what I knew I was…ripples danced upon its surface…making my reflection blurred…I seemed faceless…and I felt it…war made every man faceless, death saw no faces and cared not whose life was taken…

The ripples settled, and the water returned to stillness and there I saw my face…was it really mine? My blond hair had turned paler, almost ash-blond from months of going hatless under the sun's rays, and what happened to my eyes? They've become a strange color, they used to be blue…what are they now? Lavender? The person who stared back at me curiously on the water's surface was a complete stranger; I wondered if Song would even recognize me when I returned…

"If" I clarified, "If I return…"

Song....Song…her name reverberated against my emptiness…delivering my soul from blank dismay, I could see the warmth of illusion's caress as it brought me a memory of what I left when I joined in war against the other guilds…I left Song…my beloved Song, I could picture her dancing green eyes and strangely exotic pink hair, and I could see her smile at me…so warmly, so welcoming, and yet once again, I was dragged back to reality…being where I was…surrounded by death…feeling almost dead like the bodies littered around me…

"_I want to go back…" _I whispered to the faceless stranger in the water as rain began to fall steadily, leaving numerous ripples against its surface. "_Song…I promise I won't leave you again" _I swore, hoping that somehow she'd at least know of my regret at leaving her, and I felt despair borne of the knowledge that I would probably die before I saw her again…

A footstep sounded from behind me…a bloody body staggered weakly in my direction…the wild look in the man's eyes made me realize that he was crazed, "You must be saved…" he groaned almost savagely as flashes of lightning sliced across the thundering skies, "I will deliver you from this horror…I will deliver you to death and salvation…"

The rain stopped…and the moon once again appeared, leaving his sword gleaming silver under its moonlight as it was raised…ready to strike me…

"I'm too weak…too weak…" I thought, not having enough strength to use my skills as a mage and protect myself…the crazy man's gaze became wilder, almost savage as he got ready to swing his sword and slice through my flesh…

I knew I was screaming…but I could not hear myself…all was silent to me…all I could see were colors of war…crimson of blood…blue of dark sky…silver of swords…grey of mist…all of them came into one…then all disappeared…leaving only blackness…

Then…I heard myself screaming…

EPILOGUE:

"Aaron! Aaron!"

I could only hear myself screaming in answer to my name.

Soft lips pressed against mine, silencing me, keeping me still, leaving me calm, soothing me, bringing me back from the fear that consumed me.

"Aaron…it was a nightmare…only a nightmare…" Song stammered, her tears fell warm against my face, and I shivered from my own cold sweat despite her tight embrace.

"I saw color again…all real…so vivid…" I finally confessed, embracing her closer.

"No more, Aaron…It was all a dream…a nightmare…"

"It was all so real Song…I could feel it…"

She stopped me by putting a finger to my lips, "No Aaron…It was a dream, but this…" she began, as she clasped my hand and placed it upon her face, "This is real…I'm real…"

I could sense her heart's quickening pace, and felt her doubt, "I promised not to leave you again, have I not?" I assured her,

"You have…" she smiled, and I could feel her gaze settle lovingly into my own blind eyes,

I smiled back at her…and asked for my blinker, ready to leave the inn after recovering from the nightmare. But I knew I would never recover from the forever memory of war etched in me…my blindness has become a reminder, a mark of what I had foolishly followed in colors of glory and honor masking the horror of war…

How ironic…that I would only see color again when I'm back in nightmare memories of war. Its better this way, I'll see no more of pain…but I can always see Song, a memory of her face is imprinted forever in me, overpowering the nightmares and gore of what war had given me.

I walk out the door, but despite my blindness, I could still sense my surroundings, and everything goes on even when fate denied me of sight. Song clasps her hand against mine as we walk through Geffen,

I would be leaving again, restless still, but ever stronger in spirit…this quality was but a mere consolation of war. But this time, everything didn't matter, Song would be with me…


	3. The Clearing

_Author's note: This story is mine…DO NOT COPY IT! Lest I curse the world for having such people who plagiarize the works of others…forgive me for such a declaration… anyway Please R&R…_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ragnarok online…_

**The Clearing**

"Hurry up Rusty! We're almost there…"

"I'm coming…Just wait a moment, I need to catch my breath…"

"Hurry up!"

"I'm coming!"

"You're too slow!"

"I'm here!" Rustico declared triumphantly as he finally caught up with the priestess, and from atop the hill, the young crusader surveyed the scenery of Izlude, trying to observe if any changes were made since he'd left the city a year ago. His heart pounded as his eyes swept across the landscape and settled on a small clearing in the middle of a meadow of flowers and grass.

"Rusty, you're too slow…" the priestess remarked, her lilac-colored hair glistening under the sun, her blue eyes dancing as she teased the handsome dark-haired crusader who followed her, panting still, and trying to catch his breath…

"Sorry Jem, it's the armor…it slows me down as it's too heavy"

Rusty lay down on the grass, and raised the cross hanging from his neck against the sunlight. It glittered as it caught light, and removing his gloves he fingered its shape, enjoying the feel of its cool metal against his bare fingers.

"It's flattering to know you like my gift…" Jem said, leaning over him, blocking the sunlight, yet seemingly radiant as the sun itself.

"You know I do…" Rusty whispered, awestruck with the young priestesses' beauty, smiling at her. Slowly, he reached out to touch her face, but she giggled and ran merrily down the hill. His gaze followed her, and he chuckled when she teased him from where she stood.

"See, I told you…you're too slow!" she quipped, her hair framing her face as the wind played upon her lilac mane.

Rusty amused himself by watching her, but his quiet amusement was disturbed by a knight from Izlude, who walked up to him and joined him atop the hill.

"Nice to see you again Rusty," she greeted, piercing her falchion against the ground, while settling herself to his side, despite knowing full well that she was unwelcome.

"Hi Diana…" Rusty replied almost flatly, though he'd hope he'd been slightly more cheerful at greeting a fellow swordsman—even more so, an old comrade from his previous guild, at least until a year ago…

"How's your traveling been?" Diana asked awkwardly, playing with a blade of grass in her fingers while casting sideward glances at the dark-haired crusader beside her.

A short silence followed and she used the fleeting moment to observe Rustico in silent contentment…he was still as she remembered him—his dark brown hair was longer, but his amber eyes were still as captivating, and Rusty was still as unsociable and indifferent to people. But Diana knew that the only person who'd always been able to talk to Rusty freely was the priestess Jem, how she envied her of this right….But then…suddenly her thoughts were cast aside, with firm decision not to let Jem unnerve her so…

"The travelling's been fine" Rusty answered in late reply, catching Diana's surprise and attention, but his eyes focused on Jem playing amongst the flowers in a special clearing Rusty had made for her a year ago, and he smiled as she waved to him, her dancing blue eyes sparkling.

"Are you okay? You know…with Jem?" Diana suddenly asked, catching Rustico's attention.

"Of course I am" Rusty snapped coldly, _"Doesn't she see Jem and I are happy! She's not even greeting her…Jem was right, Diana never liked her…"_ he thought, turning his gaze back to Jem, ignoring Diana.

Diana looked at him sadly, and followed his gaze in the direction below the hill. The view was breathtaking, but she frowned sadly when her eyes darted to the small clearing, where Rustico's beloved Jem lay, surrounded by a garden of flowers. Rusty was probably too engrossed with the scenery to notice her, he'd been gone for an entire year…but more obviously, it seemed he was too engrossed with the cross he held tight in his hand—Jem's gift,

Slowly, Rusty raised himself and began to descend the hill. Diana tried to call after him, but he didn't listen. Her voice didn't reach him, no matter how loud she called.

"Rusty…I…" she stopped when she watched him extend his arm, seemingly helping someone up. The cross dangled from his hand… glistening against the sunlight.

She joined him at his side, "Rustico…about you and Jem…"

"Diana, leave Jem and me alone…"

"But Rusty…" she insisted, half angry and half pleading, "Please listen to me at least…I can't take it anymore…why can't I have you? Why does your heart always have to stay with Jem? Forget about her…Why not me?"

The silence seemed only to distance the space between them. Diana's face was contorted in obvious remorse for her sudden outburst, but still…the confession had been made, and she awaited an answer. "Have you not had any feelings for me?" Diana asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

"I'm sorry…" he answered, "You know I love someone else…"

"But why Jem?" Diana insisted, "Why not me? Why cant you at least try to like me? Why don't you love me?"

They stared at each other quietly, and Rusty was the first to break the silence, finally giving her the answer she demanded of him,

"Because you're not her…" Rusty answered directly, and walked away, with the cross in hand, leaving the young knight staring after him.

"She's still mad at me for taking you?" Jem asked, clutching Rusty's arm, her face sad, and almost on the verge of tears.

"You never took me away from her…" Rusty assured the priestess, "I was always yours…".

Diana glanced resentfully at the small clearing made for Rustico's beloved priestess. She had seen Rusty leave…walk away from her…all because of Jem.

"I never could beat you Jem," she remarked sadly, ignoring the cold rain that began to fall from the sky…a further mockery of her sadness…her tears mingled with the rain as it fell upon the tombstone marking a grave…"Why couldn't you have left his heart to me? Why is his heart still with you? Even when you've already gone with Death…"


	4. All that's Left

Author's note: Please R&R…and DO NOT COPY!

Disclaimer: I do not own Ragnarok Online,

**All that's left…**

_No, do not stop me from dreaming…_

_You cannot wake me…_

_Please don't…_

_Dreams are all I have…_

Then suddenly, she awoke…sunlight glittering through the windows, blinding her.

She forcefully looked into the _light_, blinking several times until she got used to its glare, then she sat up, and opened the windows, finally getting a glimpse of the city of Prontera…its gates and streets bustling with merchants selling their wares and eager customers trying to avail of discounts through negotiation.

Slowly, she slid off the bed, remembering her own voice as she had pleaded in her dream… _"do not stop me from dreaming…" _

But sadly, daylight had stopped her....why did time and days passing have to stop her? Why did she have to awake each day to a new? Could she not live in dreams?

She dressed, putting on her boy's cap and sheathing her katar into place. Her eyes were bare of emotion…so much so, that any who looked into them felt iced…for they were such a shade of icy blue…so cold and devoid of any feeling.

For this reason, she hid her eyes behind dark frames of sunglasses.

As she walked out the inn, putting on her manteau, she topped her head with a sakkat, and behind her sunglasses, glared at the sun…cursing it for shining so brightly.

"_I've a long way to go…"_ she thought,

The Pronteran Citizens began to part as she walked past, her aura being so morbid…they thought it best to avoid the assassin that passed their streets, making way for her…

She had nothing but a few zenys in her pocket, and as soon as she got out of Prontera, she killed off Porings for apples to satisfy her hunger,

She had no purpose in life, there was nothing for her to live for, she had no goal, but she had a dream….

Night fell, and she had not yet reached Geffen. Laying her head upon the soft grass in Mt. Mjolnir, she closed her eyes, and fell asleep…

In blissful slumber…there were dreams, wonderful illusions borne of her past…laughing people, beautiful smiles filled with mirth, calling out to her to join them by the fire as the bard sang a lingering melody under the moonlight while the dancer swayed her hips, the latter teasing her for not trying to dance... "My party…" she smiled, seeing their faces filled with glee at her arrival,

Then among them all, their stood the priest, his tall figure illuminated by the moonlight, his dark hair fluttering in the cool breeze, his beautiful green eyes welcoming her, holding out his arms for an embrace, "Jason…" she called his name, as he embraced her….his hands sifting through her hair, and brushing tendrils from her face…then…planting a kiss on her face while wiping the tears that always fell from her eyes…

Then, the dawn began to break, her party's laughing faces began to fade…while Jason's embrace began to vaporize…to disappear…her words were pleading…begging for all those who've left her for another world…for all those who were separated from her by her own life…the fact that she was alive…when they'd left her…they'd gone…all gone…

She pleaded, she begged for dawn never to arise…

_No, do not stop me from dreaming…_

_You cannot wake me…_

_Please don't…_

_Dreams are all I have…_

_They're all I have left…_


End file.
